Thursday, June 25, 2015

heck yeah!

At one point in time, If you ask me if I believe God can do ANYTHING I would have said  HECK YEAH!!! your life. But probably not mine.

Ok, that's not exactly true. I believed He COULD do anything in my life....I  just wasn't sure he WANED  to.  Life has not been easy most of the last 15 years. We  had to fight to keep our marriage healthy b.c we lived apart most of those years. We went without a lot of the first world desires and luxuries  that most of our friends and family got to enjoy. We had to figure out how to parent while being thousands of miles apart more often than not. We had about a five year span where I can not count the number of ER visits, hospitalizations, illnesses and hours of exhaustion that goes along with these things. My dr really wondered why I didn't have a frequent visitor card! lol
No matter how much debt we paid off, finances didn't get easier b.c our income went down. Almost every single time we had ANYTHING planned to take care of our marriage in way of a date or a weekend alone it got canceled b.c of something out of our control.

And, when we DID get something exciting (like a date or a new couch for the living room) someone else got something BETTER (like an entire vacation to somewhere tropical or a whole new living room).

So, it SEEMED as if God wanted to take care of my brothers and sisters in Christ to a more luxurious level than he wanted to take care of us.

You thinking was flawed for a LONG time. I assumed bc life was hard that God desired to take care of those around me over me. That maybe I wasn't one of the "lucky ones" who got to roll in his blessings. Instead, I often had to fight to recognize the blessings in my life.

What I failed to see was that God wasn't ignoring me throughout all those years. He was teaching me. He was teaching me Joy and Contentment and Grace and Peace and Humility and Boldness and Gratefulness and more things that I can ever list. And when the Bible says that treasures on earth don't compare to the treasures in heaven.... its not a joke. I literally can not emphasize HOW much I needed that teaching (and all the teaching that is still happening and is to come).  He was treating me as  his CHILD! Because I am his Child.

As a mom, I would never lavish my children with material blessings without teaching them contentment and servant-ship and gratitude and joy and correction and discipline. What kind of mom would I be?

Its not uncommon for me to hear one of my 6 kids say "why are you teaching and correcting me so much more than you are the other kids?". My response? You have no idea how much I am correcting and teaching them b.c its NONE of your business!!

Yeah, pretty sure that is what God was trying to say to me for all those years. I cant pretend I remember this all the time now....but I am becoming MUCH less concerned with what he is or isn't doing in the lives around me and instead remembering that He is God. I can trust him fully.

We are always asking our kids if they trust us....some of them trust us easily. Some don't. But what I can tell you is that the ones who think we "do" more for the others over them...this breaks my heart. Because its simply not true. We love them all equally. We desire great things for them all equally.  And if WE, in all our human-ness, can want these things for our much more does GOD want these things for us?

So, I am learning that God does INDEED want to do ANYTHING beyond what I can MY life. Because I am his CHILD! And, he is GOD.

This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave tending life. Its ADVENTUROUSLY expectant, greeting God with a child like "whats next papa". Gods spirit touches our spirit and CONFIRMS WHO WE ARE. Father and Child. And we know we are going to get whats coming to us- an unbelievable inheritance! We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times withh im then certainly we will go through the good times with him! Romans 8:15-17

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

how I came to desire adventure

I use to dream of simplicity. Easy going days. No fights or arguments, drama free, wind gently blowing, sun always shining, worry free days of simplicity.

Then I started to realize that I can not actively, whole heartedly,  follow Jesus AND simultaneously  live a simplistic life. The life of a die hard lover of Christ will be full of adventure and trials and storms to endure and fires to walk through. This life will witness some of the highest mountaintops with the most spectacular views and some of the lowest pits imaginable. Think about the best movies you've seen  and books you have read....they are anything but simplistic! We wouldn't stick around for simplicity. The characters wouldn't develop and grow and realize who they really are and for what purpose they were truly created.

And so my desire for simplicity faded and instead a thirst for the adventure developed. 100% of the time the journey looks nothing like I would imagine. Its not always easy, but so far it has ALWAYS been purposeful and rewarding.

If I look back on my adult life I would say I am in chapter 5 of my life. Not too many chapters considering I am nearing the age of 40. But If I were to title the previous chapters they would be:

Chapter 1:
Waking up

It was right after getting married at the age of 20 that I started to recognize the desperate need I had to know Jesus. I don't mean the kind of "know" like we "know" our neighbors. I mean KNOW him. To  the point where I couldn't go a day without thinking about him. And so, I started Waking Up.

Chapter 2:
The Tilling

It turns out that when you are young and foolish and self righteous and newly married and yet are asking Jesus to transform can get hard. My mind was messy and my feelings matched. So, much uprooting and tilling was required for the future planting God had in mind for my life.

Chapter 3:
The Joyful Darkness

The Tilling was painful in so many ways...but it started to produce fruit in my life that I hadn't  truly experienced before. Joy being one of them! But this was a hard HARD painful chapter in my life. It span the distance of a decade, my husband was gone more than he was home and we were in the throws of toddlers and babies (5 times in under 7 years).

Chapter 4:
The Hope

God started showing us glimpses into our future. He started filling our hearts with desire for so much more than we could ever imagine....and I don't mean material things. I mean Bill being home every night, being debt free, being in a position to take care of people in a way we never dreamed and adoption. These glimpses brought such a mighty hope.

And now, I am in the beginning of Chapter 5. I would say this chapter just may be called "The Reveal of the Promise"

 It is really starting to become clear to me that this life that God has given me is NOT for me. Its for HIM. He has things He has had planned since the beginning of time just for my life. And just for your life. As I am starting to wrap my head around this makes me SO excited to see what He has planned. And I am determined to not get in his way!

(you can watch my story up this point here: